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뱃속만 따뜻해도 100세는 산다(꼭 읽어보세요)

by 서울나그네 서울나그네 2011. 11. 11.


뱃속만 따뜻해도 100세는 산다.☆
 
김종수 원장의 건강 이론은 의외로 간단하다.
“뱃속만 따뜻하게 해줘도 100세는 산다”는 것,
그가 이런 결론에 도달하게된 것은 100세 이상의 장수노인을 직접 찾아다니면서 생로병사의 원인과 무병 장수의 비밀을 알았기 때문이다.

* 무병장수의 비밀은 결코 먼 곳에 있지 않다. ‘따뜻하면 살고 차가워지면 죽는다’는
말속에 그 모든 생로병사의 비밀이 담겨져 있다고 해도 과언은 아니다.
몸에 따뜻한 기운을 유지하는 것이 건강을 유지하는 것이고,
몸에 따뜻한 기운이 빠져나가 식어버리는 것이 죽는 것이다.
그래서 우리는 흔히 죽은 자를 표현하는데 있어 ‘싸늘하게 식은 몸’이라는 비유를
곧잘 하곤 하는 것이다.


* 질병과 노화란 몸이 식어가는 과정에서 나타난 자연현상이다.
암환자, 중풍환자, 치매환자, 정신병자 등 모든 질환자의 뱃속이 차갑고, 노인들의 뱃속 또한 차갑다.
수많은 사람들이 찾아 헤매던 생로병사의 원인이 바로
 ‘따뜻하면 살고 차가워지면 병들고 늙어 죽는 것’이다.
 
즉 ‘따뜻하면 살고 차가워지면 죽는 것’은 ‘자연의 이치’인데 오늘날 의학은 따뜻하게 해주면 순환이 되어 예방과 치료가 되는데도 따뜻하게 해줄 생각은 하지 않고 다른 곳에서 원인을 찾으려고 하니 비만, 아토피,고혈압, 당뇨,중풍, 치매,
기형아, 괴질 등 불치병, 난치병이 생길 수밖에 없는 것이다.


몸이 차가워지면 몸의 순환이 안 되어 질병과 노화 그리고 죽음이 오며
머리가 뜨거워져 마음이 급하고 정신이 없어서 짜증과 신경질이 생긴다.
이와 반대로 몸이 따뜻하면 몸의 순환이 잘 되어 건강을 유지하고 머리가 차가 워져 마음이 차분하고 정신이 맑아진다.
즉 두한족열을 잃으면 건강을 잃는 것이고 두한족열을 지킬 수 있으면 건강을 지킬 수 있는 것이다.
 
1. 비만은 몸이 차가워져서 생기는 병
사람의 몸이 차가워지면 대표적으로 몸이 굳어가고 화를 자주내 머리의 차가운 기운이 몸으로 내려와 누적돼 적이 쌓이며 통증이 생기고 각종 염증과 전염병 그리고 암을 유발 시킨다.
아울러 부종이 생기고 결국 죽게 된다.

몸의 상태는 비만과도 관련이 깊은데,비만은 몸이 차가워져서 생긴 것이므로 몸
을 따듯하게 해주는 것이다.
그러나 이러한 방법들도 일상생활 속에서 몸을 차갑게 하면 다시 비만이 된다.
또한 몸이 따뜻하고 머리가 차가워야 건강하다고 했을 때
차가운 부위는 머리와 얼굴 전체를 말하는 게 아니다.
머리카락이 나 있는 부위의 이마는 차가워야 하지만, 나머지 얼굴 부위는 몸과 같이 따뜻해야 건강하다는 점을 유의해야 한다.
몸이 따뜻한 남성은 정력이 있고 마음이 차분하면 각종 성 질환을 이겨내지만 몸이 차가워진 남성은 기운이 약하여 양기 부족,조급함,성질환 등이 찾아온다
 
2 . 화를 내거나 말이 많아도 몸이 차가워진다.
화를 내면 머리가 뜨거워지고 몸이 차가워진다.
반복해서 자주 화를 내면 머리는 항상 무거워져 정신이 맑지 못하고 몸은 차가워져 순환이 안 되어 각종 질병이 발생하는 원인이 된다.
또한 말을 지나치게 많이 해도 문제가 된다.
말이 많다는 것은 오장육부의 기운을 입과 혀를 움직이는데 필요한 신경과 근육 쪽으로 몰리게 한다는 뜻이다.
이러한 현상이 누적되면 기운이 약한 사람은 오장육부가 기운이 부족하여 차가워 지고 병이 생긴다.
하루 종일 앉아서 머리만 쓰고 다리는 쓰지 않으면 다리의 기운이 약해진다.
기운이 약해지면 역시 오장육부의 기능이 저하되고 머리가 무거워진다.
이렇게 되면 아무리 장시간 일을 해도 집중력과 기억력이 떨어진다.
 
3. 따뜻한 음식은 몸을 따뜻하게 한다.
따뜻한 음식은 위장에서 분해, 발효(소화)시키기가 좋아
건강을 유지하는데 도움이 된다.
하지만 차가운 음식이 위장에 들어오면 위장은 차가운 음식을 위장의 따뜻한 기운으로 데워서 소화를 시켜야 하므로 많은 기운이 소모된다.

처음에는 기운이 있어 몸에 들어온 차가운 음식을 녹일 수 있는 힘이 있지만,
반복되면 차가운 기운에 지게 되어 움츠러들며 소화 장애가 생기고 반복되면 위장은 기운을 잃게 된다.
또 차가워진 위는 붓거나 통증이 생기고 세균의 침범을 받아
염증과 암으로 발전 하게 된다.

그래서 따뜻한 음식은 건강한 사람, 건강하지 못한 사람 가릴 것 없이
건강을 유지하는데 도움이 되는 것이다.
장수 노인들의 식습관을 살펴보면 야채를 생으로 먹는 것보다
살짝 데쳐서 나물 반찬으로 먹는 경우가 더 많다.
야채를 데치는 과정에서 차고 나쁜 기운이 빠져나가고 따뜻한 에너지가 보충되어 먹기 좋은 상태가 되기 때문이다.
 
◆ 몸을 따뜻하게 하는 방법;
* 따뜻한 물을 마셔라.
* 말을 너무 많이 하지 마라.
* 바른말, 고운말, 존댓말을 써라.
* 다리를 많이 움직여라.
* 땀을 흘려라.
* 일과 운동을 열심히 하라.
* 목욕을 하라.
* 11자 자세로 걸어라.
* 따뜻한 차를 많이 마셔라.

출처: 지인으로부터 메일을 받았는데 명확하지 않네요. 양해부탁드립니다.

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"But at the same time demanding higher exploration technology in a full exploration of mines before mining, to find out the solution of the flow pulse, in order to maximize the recovery of the solution, which also greatly increased the cost of mining." Xiaofang Ming basically the only large-scale mines in the province will be using this method will not use other private mine. Situ leach mining method also exists a certain degree of pollution, injected ammonium sulfate solution was not one hundred percent recovery, recovery of about 70-80%, "Xiao Fangming speculated, the ammonium sulphate solution has not been recovered to some extent will affect the surrounding farmland and water, "but the key is to look at the waste water treatment is in place." The source told reporters, Guyun company last year, has been found to scale up without permission was Heyuan relevant departments punishment. However, on this argument the Dongyuan County Land and Resources Bureau has not been a positive response. Council enforcement team responsible v. Reporters, Guyun indeed declared the expansion of the application of five square kilometers, it is not clear whether the approval. The villagers are also worried that, in case of 5 square kilometers of mining licenses granted, within easy reach of the East River contamination Enforcement team official said mining caused eutrophication problem, the owner of the mine should be given to the villagers compensation, "As to whether the sewage discharge polluted water from Dongjiang also need to draw concrete conclusions after the environmental protection department for testing." ■ Reporter The observation system restricts missing RE fire sale to be solved since March of this year, the newspaper has been the third exposure the province cities indiscriminate rare earth mine. Repeated exposure, often rectify why rare earth mine always stealing more than China is the world's leading producer of rare earth, however, is known as the "Industrial MSG" rare earth in China has been suffered the embarrassment of gold sold radish price ". In 2008, the global rare earth consumption was about 13 million tons, of which China's domestic consumption of about 70,000 tons, but most of the export products are primary products with low added value, http://www.duveticastoresjapan.com デュベティカ. Rare earths are important strategic resources, last year, China began to restrict exports of rare earths. As a chain reaction, since the beginning of this year the International Rare Earth Prices rose significantly, the current of rare earth varieties of neodymium oxide, praseodymium average offer 181,000 yuan / ton. Profiteering front, blinded by stealing the laws and regulations, public safety and the life and death aside, miners desire expansion, stealing become temperance. "Accomplices" of the illegal miners are also to blame. Yesterday supervise the handling of the Ministry of Land and Resources informed public "Po Town, Huidong County, the illegal exploitation of rare earth ore case, the survey found that the Po Town, Huidong County Government, the electricity sector, the Land and Resources Bureau of Forestry, Environmental Protection Agency are malfeasance situation exists. Shixing County newspaper exposure of illegal rare earth mining incident, some villagers money to buy, willing to act as a minion of the black heart of mine, lost their own survival and future generations living environment; Longchuan illegal exploitation of the incident , relevant government department staff found the "umbrella" of the miners; the Dongyuan Guyun mine, illegal mining license holders informal enterprises to expand mining area, the tailings contaminated the mountains, law enforcement agencies can not "do not know "to stall the villagers. In fact, not only in Guangdong, huge rare earth reserves in Jiangxi Province is also facing rare earth is crazy stealing of repeated situation. The world's resources, mineral resources protection legislation is one of the most imperfect country. The introduction of the "Mineral Resources Law of the People's Republic of China has been more than a decade, has lagged far behind many of its provisions, and social development of the new situation and new problems will be no legal basis. No legal basis for this is the most terrible thing. Supervision and through the media, to bring us a lot of reflection, in addition to the conventional means of exposure - investigated "the urgent need to accelerate the pace of legislation to develop a reasonable system to restrict illegal mining. Illegal issuance of mining permits for state administrative organs and staff, the mine owners wanton waste of resources and environmental pollution, http://gucciofficialstorevjapan.webnode.jp グッチ, and collusion between government officials and monitoring the behavior of dereliction of duty and other charges should additional, heavier penalties and innovative sentencing system, and constantly improve the criminal law protection of mineral resources in China. ■ link newspaper Nanfang Daily reporter Yang Taisho Zhang Di March repeated exposure to the illegal exploitation of rare earth incident March 9, 2010 the A08 "Longchuan illegal mining rare earth ore resurgence". Reported in the newspapers, the central and provincial government of Guangdong Provincial Department of Land and Heyuan Municipal municipal leaders have the instructions and the requirements of the protection of national strategic resources, quickly investigate Longchuan County remediation of illegal rare earth mine sites. 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    个味道!

    从前看到一则笑话:
    有一户人家门囗的墙壁被人家涂写得乱七八糟,这家主人在请人重新粉刷之後,
    郑重的在墙上题了“此处不准写”五个大字。他想,自此後风平浪静高枕无忧了。
    没想到隔天起床一看,五个大字下,又被加了五个字“为何你先写”。主人一时
    心有不甘,立刻提笔再加了五个字“我家由我写”。一天过去了,主人下班回家,
    差一点气昏倒,十五个字下又多了一行“要写大家写”,行末还画了两只小乌龟。
    不久之後那片墙又恢复了旧观......(#$%@^&*#%)。

    无独有偶的,我遇到了这样的事:

    有一天晚餐之後,我照例提了垃圾到巷囗那根电线杆旁边丢弃。却发现有人在
    电线杆上贴了一张『此处不准丢垃圾』,我想这很可能是住在电线杆旁边那户
    人家贴的。我只好回家骑了机车,就近找了另外一个地方丢垃圾。隔天晚饭过後
    ,提了垃圾走到巷囗,才想到昨天看到的布告,正要回头,不意发现布告的
    “不准”给人涂了。变成『此处**丢垃圾』,那大家更名正言顺丢垃圾了。

    事隔一天,布告换成
    『在此丢垃圾者天打雷劈』。我想写这样的布告也未免太xxx了。
    隔天早上出门的时候,布告已经被人改成:
    『在此丢垃圾者,天打雷,劈不到』
    有这种人寿保险,大家还不踊跃叁加吗?

    两天後,新的布告写着:
    『在此丢垃圾者
    全家死光』
    平静的日子只过了三天,那天中午经过的时候,看见布告多了三个字
    『在此丢垃圾者
    才不会全家死光』
    挖铐!这看到了不马上提两包垃圾来丢行吗?

    终於,那户人家使出杀手贱,布告不见了,换上一张红纸写着:
    『敕令$%^&*##...(看不懂)』底下还摆了一个小香炉,旁边还烧了一堆纸钱。
    看不懂这是什麽碗糕,不过真的很避邪,一个礼拜都没有人敢妄动。

    礼拜一的黄昏回家时,看到电线杆旁有一包垃圾,我想真有那不怕死的,走近
    一看,敕令那张红纸被人换成元首的玉照,还在照片两边写着:
    『风调雨顺』
    『国泰民安』
    横批:『爱拼才会赢』

    真人真事,『不要问我从哪里来......』

    百货公司广播:「猪肚皮先生,请到一楼服务台,有人找您............」
    一会後,没人到服务台,於是又再广播一次.......
    後来呢,来了一个人,他又气又羞的说:「我是朱月坡,你们找的是我吗?????」

    原来:朱月土皮
    了不了呀??

    赌只要牵涉到钱就不好了,不只在人间是这样就算在天介亦如此.

    话说数千年以前,无论是公狗或者是母狗小便时,都是用蹲着的
    直到唐朝......事情才有了转变.....
    唐太宗大家听过吧!他老人家养了一对北京狗,有一次唐太宗上
    华山祭天,带了这一对去......
    祭到一半时,母狗突然内急,於是便跑到一棵树後解决,在祭天
    时这是非常不敬的行为,因此惹恼了玉帝,玉帝命令雷公打了一个雷
    正好打在树上,树倒了,压死了母狗,公狗看了以後非常害怕.....
    从此以後,公狗每次在树下小便时,都会伸出一只脚,用力顶着
    树,以免树倒下来压到自己..................

    某日,我跟着男友在客厅听音乐,随着那优美的旋律,我俩忍不住站了起来,
    跟着音乐子左踏,右踏,左旋,右旋。正当一切都如此美好的时候,
    我望着他迷蒙的眼神,轻轻的问了句,亲爱的,你在想什麽?
    正当我期待着他给我一个甜蜜的回答时,只见他性感的双唇,缓缓开启:
    没什麽啦,只不过转久了,头还真他妈的给我晕了起来。

    算命先生对一个女士说
    "你的爱星高照就快要和一个高大削瘦的男士结婚了"
    "那麽"女士说"我那个又矮又胖的丈夫怎麽办"

    在饭店里
    有个妇人一直盯着附近一位绅士
    绅士感到很尴尬
    决定去问个清楚
    他客气的问他们是否在那里见过面
    "我们从未见过面"她答"可是你的样子很像我的第三任丈夫"
    "你结过三次婚??"他问
    "不..只结过两次"

    一位丈夫上街给太太买长裤
    女售货员问他太太腰围多少
    他不清楚却答
    "我不知道...不过我家有一台二十三寸的电视机
    她站在前面...整个萤光屏就给遮住了"

    父亲:
    「你刚学了动物学..知道为什麽鱼只生活在水中..而不生活在陆地上吗?」
    儿子:
    「因为陆上有猫」

    一个走进信用社..为一张婴儿床交最後一笔分期支付的款项
    「谢谢」经理说「现在这孩子怎麽样了」
    「哦!!」这个人回答「我很好啊..」

    女人分两种:
    第一种:坏女人!就像泡面一样-------泡三分钟就可以吃

    第二种:好女人!就像乌龙茶一样-----慢慢泡才喝的出味道

    小英:爸~我今天到小华家他还帮我量体重咧~
    爸:那!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!只有你们两个而已嘛?
    小英:当然罗~
    爸:那你是脱光衣服在让他量罗??
    小英:我才没那麽笨咧!!我是先穿上衣服让他量
    完後~再脱掉衣服让他量衣服的重量然後就可以知道我的正确体重了啊!!

    1996年中央电视台十大令人记忆深刻广告
    1)尹相杰手举酒瓶痛心疾首地告诉大家:“三心二意才是气命死”,它身后还有一群
    穿着背带裤的假男人伴舞。
    2)两个身穿工作服的傻丫头在厂里边走边聊一种化妆品:“大宝贝,不错,价格便
    宜,量又足,跟我们胡同口卖的盒饭一样,我们一直用它。”过了一会,一个记者模
    样的人过来凑热闹:“天天在外边跑,风吹日晒的,模样本来就不怎么样,再用了点
    大宝,就更对不起这张脸了。”
    3)张丰毅和陈红正在拍一部反映地下党的电视剧,剧情如下:一幸慌此埔欢粤等嗽
    谠蓟幔导适窃诙园岛牛械乃担骸翱掌?好。”女的对:“晚上能作个好梦。喝过
    离婚口服液吗?就是那个疗补兼备的蠢中药。”,男的问:“治什么的?”女的答:
    “吃不香,睡不好,尤其是你的肾虚。”男的一副不屑一顾的神态:“这也是病。”
    女的说:“当然是病,不治可不行?”(后面还有一段,只是厂家给的广告费不够,
    电视台不给放)男的热烈地握住女的手:“同志,我可找到党了!”
    4)国事营养不良减肥素广告摄制组一行人来到江边,这一天,阳光明媚,为了不使演
    员的面部在背光处出现阴影,剧务手持一块白布以反光。一个傻大姐一摇三晃跑出来
    一个劲地向大家抛昧眼:“你恶心我吗?”
    5)老态龙钟的胡慧中由于使用了一种劣质的黄瓜秧水润肤露,结果满脸被害得坑坑凹
    凹跟桔子皮似的,为了控诉厂家,她不顾一个明星的形象,勇敢地站出来告诉所有的
    人:“您想和我一样,就用皆来哑。”
    6)一大胖子在四合院里肩背毛巾,手拿口杯正跟人白话:“赶时髦真他妈不实惠,以
    前我就任老理,从不洗口,所以牙好,胃口就好,身体倍棒,吃吗吗香,自打开始刷
    牙,可倒了霉了,您问我用的是什么牌的牙膏,您瞅准了,蓝天六不治。”
    7)成方圆在某制药厂演出,一曲“掌声响起”之后,一群受雇的男女跑上前去献花的
    献花,问寒的问暖,有一个四,五岁的小女孩由大人抱着也去献爱心,她似乎有点特
    异功能,察觉出成方圆有病, http://www.esporthat.com/ snapback hat storesnapbacks,于是将一包药递过去:“阿姨,保护牙齿!”
    8)这是一场高雅的音乐会,年轻的女琴手全神贯注地拉着大提琴,可谁也想不到,她
    正承受着巨大的病痛折磨,人们陶醉在音乐声中。女琴手终于获得了听众热烈的掌
    声,她激动得热泪盈眶,她再也忍不住了,站起来告诉观众她所遭受的不辛:“这是
    我的第二天,连我最好的朋友都没发现。量多的第二天,全靠高洁丝。”
    9)一个十二,三岁的女孩模仿马丁路德金作了一个演讲,题目也是“我有一个梦”,
    中国没有黑人,显然不存在对黑人的种族歧视,可中国人家里也没家庭影院呀。
    10)某酒厂在上级领导的关怀下,在各级党委的领导下,终于研究并开发出新产品,此
    项研究成果不仅填补国内空白,并使我国成为世界上第二个掌握该项技术的国家,从
    而彻底改变我国酒类品种单一的格局,把中国贫酒论的帽子甩到太平洋去了。于是厂
    家怀着无比兴奋的心情向全世界宣布:“中国人有了中国的XO!”

    愿望

    青年问一老者:“您已年近古稀,年轻时候的愿望都实现了吗?”
    老者:“年轻的时候,老婆责备我时总揪我的头发,当时我想,要是
    没有头发就好了。”“今天,这个愿望算是实现了。?

    防不胜防

    --你的脸色不太好。
    --是啊,我老婆夜里根本不让我睡觉。稍有动静,她就惊叫起来,
    以为是贼来了。
    --小偷行窃是不会出声的。
    --我也是这么对她说的,可那更糟了。
    --怎么了?
    --从此,她夜里听不到声音,就把我叫醒。

    水蜜桃

    有一天,五岁的小惠望着姑姑的脸说:“姑姑,你的脸好像水蜜桃哟!”
    姑姑高兴地抱着她左亲右亲,并问:“是怎么象的?”
    小侄女天真地回答:“上面都有细细的毛。”

    老板与秘书
    “听说你把女秘书辞了,她犯了什么错?”
    “我对她说‘我爱你。’不一会儿,她把这句话打了出来,并让我在上面签字。”

    猪和猫
    丈夫又喝多了,并且回来得很晚。
    他走进家里,一见到妻子那严厉的目光,
    就很不自在,轻轻走到沙发旁,低下头去逗小猫。
    妻子说:“喂,你和那头笨猪在一起有什么意思?”
    丈夫立即笑着答:“亲爱的,这是猫呀!”
    妻子看也不看他,说:“我在问猫,谁和你说话了?”

    母亲和女儿
    母亲对女儿非常生气。“这就是现代的年轻人!”她对朋友说。
    “16岁就交上了男朋友,但却忘了母亲的32岁生日!”

    配偶
    妻:从各方面看,我都强于你,唯有一点我不如你。
    夫:哪一点不如我呢?
    妻:我的配偶不如你的配偶。

    感想
    A:听说你最近去美国考察了一次,感受不浅吧?
    B:是啊,感触太深了,人家的文化水平就是高。
    A:何以见得呢?
    B:人家大人小孩都会说英语。

    求婚

    两位已婚男士闲聊,一位提议谈谈各自求婚的动机。
    “我是在夏天见她穿了一身薄衣服,美腿隐隐若现,于是就向她求婚了。”
    “我正好相反,”另一位接着道:“我老婆总是穿长裙,我想知道她的腿
    究竟长得怎么样,于是就向她求婚了!”

    为了孩子

    “爸爸,晚上我们去看马戏吧?”
    “儿子,我没时间。”
    "听小朋友说,马戏团里有一位不穿衣服的阿姨在老虎身上跳舞。”
    “那好吧,咱们一起去,我很久没有看老虎了。”


    职员:“先生!”
    老板:“什么事?”
    职员:“我老婆让我来要求您提拔我。”
    老板:“好吧!我今晚回家问问我老婆是否能提拔你。”

    何医生向护士包小姐求婚,包小姐一口拒绝了。何医生吃惊地
    问她是什么原因?包小姐说:“我嫁了你,生个孩子,岂不成
    了荷包蛋了!”

    在地铁厢里

    在一节快速行驶的地铁车厢里,某人客气地对身旁的
    一位女士说:“车厢真黑,请允许我为你找扶手吊带吧!”
    不料那位女士冷冰冰地说:“我已经有扶手吊带了。”
    “那么请放开我的领带吧!”这个人气喘吁吁地说。

    我来代替
    站长:“快点,开车时间到了。”
    少女:“且慢,我要和姐姐吻别。”
    站长:“来不及了!我来代替吧!”

    好眼光
    一个漂亮女郎在拒绝了一名男子的求婚后,安慰他说:
    “不过亲爱的,你不必太过悲伤,我会永远欣赏你的好眼光。"

    "您这儿有没有名为《男人应是一家之主》的书读?"一位男士问,
    "很抱歉,我们这里不卖童话书。"女店员微笑答道。

    背不动就滚
    假期回家,同学们送我。有个男生帮我背行李,
    虽然行李底下有滚珠,但行李又重又大。
    我看见这个男生背着行李很吃力,就对他说:“背不动就滚吧!”
    这个男生听了后很气愤地放下了行李看着我,
    我一愣,忙向他解释:“我指的是轮子!”

    猩红热传染
    一个男子给医生打电话:
    “大夫,我儿子得了猩红热。”
    “我知道了。昨天我去看过他了,你恰巧不在家。把他隔离,别与家人接触就行了。”
    “哎,您不知道,他吻了女仆。”
    “太不幸了,她也必须隔离。”
    “但我又吻了她,大夫。”
    “那就不好办了,你可能也被传染了。”
    “是的,可后来我又吻了我老婆。”
    “什么?”大夫大叫起来,“那我可能也被传染了。”

    一个巴掌拍不响
    朋友问汤姆:“你为什么还不结婚?”
    汤姆回答:“一个巴掌拍不响,我一人急有什么用?”
    后来汤姆终于结婚了,朋友问他滋味如何?他的邻居抢先答道:
    “每天都听到巴掌声。”

    殷勤过份

    某富翁在别墅举办音乐会,他家的朋友和熟人们都到齐了。
    女主人请著名男高音歌唱家唱一首抒情歌曲。
    “我倒是很愿意,”歌唱家说,“可时间太晚了,
    我担心您的邻居会说我们影响他们的休息。”
    “那更好!”女主人激动地叫道,“他们那是活该。昨天晚上,
    他们家的狗也在我家窗下嗥叫,不让我们睡觉....”

    婚外情

    "新婚的激情已经消退了。"甲对乙诉苦。
    "那干吗不来点刺激的,比如说婚外情什么的?"乙对甲建议。
    "如果我妻子知道了怎么办?"
    "这都什么年代了,直接告诉她不就得了。"
    于是甲回到家中对妻子说:"亲爱的,
    我想一次婚外情会使我们更爱对方的。"
    "快放弃这个愚蠢的念头吧,"妻子说:
    "我已经试过了--根本就不灵!"

    「永恒」的前提

    “「爱情是永恒的」这个说法你相信吗?”
    “当然相信,不过是在情侣不断变换的前提下。”

    让座

    孩子:妈妈,在公共汽车上爸爸叫我给一位太太让座。
    妈妈:儿子,你应该这么做呀。
    孩子:可是,我当时坐在爸爸的怀里。

    女儿(一年级)很爱劳动,已经学会作简单家务。一日回到家中,见她一人正在作汤圆,盘中已经高高垒起
    二十馀只。正欲表扬鼓励两句,她一不留神,手中汤圆滚落地上。她立即钻到桌下,拣起后放在盘中。
    我大惊:「掉在地上的就不要了!」
    她神色自若地说:「不要紧,每个都掉过在地上的。」

    有一日,有三个人走到去捱边,遇到一位神仙,神仙见到这三个人,便每人给一个愿
    望,但是要一边许愿,一边要跳落崖,崖低是海水,并不会有危险。第一个人,开始
    许愿啦,他一边叫住"moneymoneymoney",一边跳落崖,结果他真的满身银纸,第二个
    人见到真的实现了,就马上一边跳崖,一边叫住"goldgoldgold",结果,他和第一个
    人一样,满身是金。第三个人见到第一、第二个人都能够愿望实现,他就急不及待马
    上跳落崖,但是当他跌下崖途中,境然被树枝勾住,他便大声叫着"OhSHIT!",於是,
    他满身全是屎!

    我和一个寡妇结了婚。她有六个孩子,我有五个孩子。我们结婚後,有了三个孩子。
    一天,我妻子匆匆跑进来对我说:「快到院子里去,快!太可怕了。」
    「怎麽了?」我说。
    「唉!」她说:「你的孩子和我的孩子在打我们的孩子。」

     

    一个乡下人初次到城市,走进一家百货公司大楼,在走廊上看见一位老太太走进一间
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    「喂!你看」有个过路人对一个老头子说:「我刚才过路时,你的儿子拿了这一大块
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    「幸好没有。」
    「那你说的就不是我的儿子。」

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    大部分的杂志编辑都非常愿意为读者服务。但是这位编辑所收到的一封信却使他一筹
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    父亲回忆他在童年时代:「那时候真好,在野外捕蝉,到溪中捞虾子,整天睡在草地
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    有一次我一人坐长途车远行,有一个妙龄女郎问我她可否坐在我身旁,我不禁开心不
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