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영상과 사진

영화 <노미오와 줄리엣>(2011.4.14 개봉)



개봉 2011년 04월 14일 
감독 켈리 애스베리
출연 제임스 맥어보이 , 에밀리 블런트 , 지연(티아라) , 이준(엠블랙) , 정주리 , 애슐리 젠슨 , 마이클 케인 , 매기 스미스 , 제이슨 스태덤 , 매트 루카스 , 짐 커밍스
상영시간 84분
관람등급 전체 관람가  
장르 애니메이션 
제작국가 미국, 영국
제작년도 2011년
홈페이지 http://www.gnomeo3d.co.kr/  
시놉시스

“얼음, 땡!”
인간이 사라지면..
3등신 폭풍간지, 녀석들의 세상이 열린다!
앙숙관계인 몬태큐와 캐퓰릿 집 담장 사이 ‘셰익스피어’ 동상 발 밑에는 3등신 인형들이 산다. 인간들이 외출하거나 잠잘 때만을 기다렸다 움직이기 시작하는 이들은 ‘레드가’와 ‘블루가’로 갈라져 격하게 싸우는 원수 사이. 하지만 이들 사이에 일대 사건이 발생하는데.., ‘블루가’의 노미오(제임스 맥어보이)와 ‘레드가’의 줄리엣(에밀리 블런트)이 한 눈에 끌려 사랑에 빠지게 된 것. 물론, 둘의 연애를 축복하는 이 …


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    轻轻地拉开你的裤子
    轻轻地脱掉你的内裤
    轻轻地吻你的脸庞
    然后轻轻地对你说:宝贝换个姿势。。。
    ……
    …………
    ………………
    …………
    ……
    该换尿布了

    25、
    你的人生写照:
    十岁学会自己洗澡——猪自清;
    二十岁光彩照人——猪时茂;
    三十岁找到工作——猪立业;
    四十岁雇了仆人——猪得佣;
    五十岁学会了打篮球——猪投。

    26、漫漫人生路,谁不错几步,家里要保住,情人还得处:家里有个做饭的,单位
    留个好看的,外面养个可爱的,远方有个想念的,保住二,守住一,发展三四五六
    七!

    27、中美俄三国首脑去打猎,被一群恶狼包围,布什给美元,普京给美女,狼放了
    他们,老*把仅有的党证拿出来,狼全部跪下,声泪俱下道:终于找到组织了!

    28、听说了吗?前生的5000次回眸才换来今生的擦肩而过,今生象我们这样的好朋
    友,前生。。。。什么都没干,光他妈的回头了。

    29、
    想念你的微笑
    回味你的味道
    脱掉你的外套
    露出你的美妙
    控制我的心跳
    压抑我的狂躁
    想想我的需要
    还是早点把你
    干掉……
    ……
    ……
    ……
    ……
    啊!粽子!
    端午节快乐!

    29、大哥大与子母机结婚生下小灵通,小灵通面目可憎,信号奇差,又不能漫游,
    不能互发短信,伤心欲绝,经dna检测,才发现其亲爹不是大哥大,是对讲机~

    30、
    什么是骄傲?牛呗!
    什么是谦虚?装呗!
    什么是勤俭?抠呗!
    什么是奉贤?傻呗!
    什么是聪明?吹呗!
    什么美女?你呗!

    31、有两个人去打猎,突然看见只老虎,俩人撒腿就跑,跑到半截一个人说:哥们
    ,我不行了,别跑了,咱跟老虎死磕吧!对曰:别傻蛋了,我跑不过老虎我还跑不
    过你?~!

    32、一对夫妻来到一口许愿井旁,丈夫弯腰,许个愿还往井里扔个硬币,妻子也想
    许愿,但她弯腰时不小心翻入井里,丈夫惊呆了,然后狂笑自语道:真他妈的灵啊
    ~!!

    33、你在哪?电话打不通,急死我了,我有重要的事找你,看到信息马上到防疫站
    体检,最快速度!你机会来拉~体检合格,你将能从私人猪圈调到国营猪场了~

    34、
    你是多愁善感的乌鸦,
    你是活蹦乱跳的青蛙,
    你是出淤泥而不染的地瓜,
    你是我心中火红火红的大虾~
    我想轻轻的问候你:看我短信的可爱的傻瓜,你现在好吗?
    1、死党!等我有了钱,我要用人头马给你冲厕所,用美钞给你点烟,用999朵玫瑰给你
    洗泡泡浴,用波音飞机接你上下班,用还珠格格给你当丫鬟!行不?
    2、

    上联:风在刮,雨在下,我在等你回电话!
    下联:为你生,为你死,为你守侯一辈子!
    横批:发错人了~

    3、向你祝贺圣诞的各过领导人有:伊朗的她没内衣;日本的松下裤带;韩国的嫖娼
    妓;越南的软中硬;罗马尼亚的急了就撕裤;沙特的摸还摸得、摸还摸不得。。。

    4、一农户明天杀鸡,晚上喂鸡时说:快吃吧,这是你最后一顿!第二日见鸡已躺倒
    并留遗书:爷已吃老鼠药,你们也别想吃爷,爷他妈也不是好惹的~!

    5、一只蚊子叮在左胳膊上大喝了一通,你被叮醒了,在你抡起右手要打蚊子的一刹
    那,蚊子对你说:我身体里可流着你的血!!

    6、你拉着一头猪逛街,很幸福的样子。我经过,满怀同情地说:“看一个人的档次
    ,就看他跟谁在一起。”话未说完,就看到猪很鄙夷地弃你而去。

    7、人活着真累!上车得排队,单恋真受罪,吃饭没香味,喝酒容易醉,上班特疲惫
    ,抢劫还不会,挣钱得交税,就连给小猪发个短信还得收费~!

    8、国足兵败遭赌球集团追杀,孙继海扮一靓女,出门问一乞婆:我是谁?答:孙继
    海!孙大惊:你怎么知道??乞婆环顾左右:嘘~~~我是郝海东~!!

    9、你知道吗?没有你的短信时我想过死,我曾经用面条上吊,用豆腐敲头,用可乐
    服毒,用降落伞跳楼,用筷子割脉,昨天我鼓起勇气摸了电门,可惜停电了,唉,
    都没成功!你看我多想你。

    10、

    等一列地铁需五分钟
    看一场电影需三小时
    月缺月圆要一月
    春去春来需一年
    想念一个人需一生
    可是一句关心的话需一秒钟:
    天凉了窝里多垫点草

    11、

    找点空闲
    找点时间
    背着炸弹
    到银行看看
    警察为你准备了一副手铐
    狱长为你张罗一床毛毯
    生活的烦恼向记者说说
    抢劫的细节跟警察谈谈

    12、一妇女带吃奶的孩子到餐厅就餐,这是孩子哭闹,女人赶紧撩起衣服,服务生过来
    制止,妇女大怒:难道这也不行吗?服务生答:露胸可以,但是不能自带饮料.

    13、某男生给同班某友生取外号,叫胖猪,女生向老师哭诉,老师答应对该男生批
    评,第二天教师在班上讲:“某男生太没礼貌,随便给别人起外号,总不能别人象
    啥就叫啥吧?”

    14、葛优吃饭途中上厕所,回来后裤子湿了,朋友:裤子怎么湿了?葛优:经常!
    朋友不解,葛优:经常是旁边的人撒着尿突然转过来大叫:我靠!这不是葛优吗?!

    15、蜈蚣被蛇咬了,为防毒液扩散必须截肢!蜈蚣想:幸亏偶腿多~!!大夫安慰道
    :兄弟,想开点,你以后就是蚯蚓了~

    16、
    鱼说:我时时刻刻睁开眼睛,就是为了能让你永远在我眼中~
    水说:我时时刻刻流淌不息,就是为了能永远把你拥抱~~
    锅说:都他妈快熟了,还这么贫!!

    17、

    鱼又说了:
    有卖耗子药滴不~~~
    爷也自尽!!!~~
    谁也别想吃了爷!!!~~~
    爷比鸡还tmd不好惹~~~ !!!
    偶让嫩连汤都喝不了!!!!!~锅都得仍~~~~~

    18、
    一只漂亮的小猪
    脖子上挂着蝴蝶结
    屁颠屁颠的跑到你面前
    用崇拜的眼光看着你
    摇摇尾巴
    甩甩屁股
    对你唱了一首:
    长大后我就成了你!

    19、男人九怕:一怕情人怀孕,二怕二奶转正,三怕小姐有病,四怕媳妇拼命,五怕情人
    被撬,六怕老婆被泡,七怕财产被盗,八怕群众上告,九怕干完还要.

    20、
    天是蓝的,海是深的,男人的话没一句是真的;
    爱是永恒的,血是鲜红的,男人不打是不行的;
    男人如果是有钱的,和谁都是有缘的;
    男人靠得住,猪都会爬树!!

    21、
    听着!
    我要追你!
    我就认定你了!
    我一直以来要找的就是你了!
    这次机会我绝对会好好把握的!
    我一定要追到你为止!
    死苍蝇!
    我拍死你!!

    22、
    想你的头
    想你的嘴
    想你想得流口水
    爱你的皮
    爱你的背
    爱你的脖子和大腿
    爱你的肝爱你的肺
    爱你的身体和香味
    我永远爱你
    哦。。。
    北京烤鸭

    23、跟我妈说了,我喜欢你,我要让你去我家,日日夜夜陪伴我,知道吗?通过这
    些日子的交往,我发现我已经不能没有你,可我妈不肯,她说:家里不准养猪!

    24、
    我轻轻地把你吻倒在床上
    轻轻地拉开你的裤子
    轻轻地脱掉你的内裤
    轻轻地吻你的脸庞
    然后轻轻地对你说:宝贝换个姿势。。。
    ……
    …………
    ………………
    …………
    ……
    该换尿布了

    25、
    你的人生写照:
    十岁学会自己洗澡——猪自清;
    二十岁光彩照人——猪时茂;
    三十岁找到工作——猪立业;
    四十岁雇了仆人——猪得佣;
    五十岁学会了打篮球——猪投。

    26、漫漫人生路,谁不错几步,家里要保住,情人还得处:家里有个做饭的,单位
    留个好看的,外面养个可爱的,远方有个想念的,保住二,守住一,发展三四五六
    七!

    27、中美俄三国首脑去打猎,被一群恶狼包围,布什给美元,普京给美女,狼放了
    他们,老*把仅有的党证拿出来,狼全部跪下,声泪俱下道:终于找到组织了!

    28、听说了吗?前生的5000次回眸才换来今生的擦肩而过,今生象我们这样的好朋
    友,前生。。。。什么都没干,光他妈的回头了。

    29、
    想念你的微笑
    回味你的味道
    脱掉你的外套
    露出你的美妙
    控制我的心跳
    压抑我的狂躁
    想想我的需要
    还是早点把你
    干掉……
    ……
    ……
    ……
    ……
    啊!粽子!
    端午节快乐!

    29、大哥大与子母机结婚生下小灵通,小灵通面目可憎,信号奇差,又不能漫游,
    不能互发短信,伤心欲绝,经dna检测,才发现其亲爹不是大哥大,是对讲机~

    30、
    什么是骄傲?牛呗!
    什么是谦虚?装呗!
    什么是勤俭?抠呗!
    什么是奉贤?傻呗!
    什么是聪明?吹呗!
    什么美女?你呗!

    31、有两个人去打猎,突然看见只老虎,俩人撒腿就跑,跑到半截一个人说:哥们
    ,我不行了,别跑了,咱跟老虎死磕吧!对曰:别傻蛋了,我跑不过老虎我还跑不
    过你?~!

    32、一对夫妻来到一口许愿井旁,丈夫弯腰,许个愿还往井里扔个硬币,妻子也想
    许愿,但她弯腰时不小心翻入井里,丈夫惊呆了,然后狂笑自语道:真他妈的灵啊
    ~!!

    33、你在哪?电话打不通,急死我了,我有重要的事找你,看到信息马上到防疫站
    体检,最快速度!你机会来拉~体检合格,你将能从私人猪圈调到国营猪场了~

    34、
    你是多愁善感的乌鸦,
    你是活蹦乱跳的青蛙,
    你是出淤泥而不染的地瓜,
    你是我心中火红火红的大虾~
    我想轻轻的问候你:看我短信的可爱的傻瓜,你现在好吗?


    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

  • ⊙非常不敢说

    五代时冯瀛王门客讲《道德经》首章,有“道可道,非常道”。门客见“道”字是
    冯名,乃曰:“不敢说,可不敢说,非常不敢说。”

    ——(宋)无名氏撰《籍川笑林》



    ⊙以姓名谑

    石中立参政滑稽,有上官泌郎中劝以慎口,对曰:“下官口干上官鼻何事?”

    ——(明)潘埙辑《楮记室》



    ⊙金眼睛

    党进命画工写真,写成大怒,责画工曰:“前日见你画大虫,尚用金箔帖眼,偏我
    消不得一双金眼睛乎?”

    ——(明)浮白斋主人撰《雅谑》



    ⊙秃 字

    包山寺(在苏州太湖)僧天灵者,博学通文。有一秀才嘲之曰:“秃驴的秃字如何
    写?”僧应声答曰:“把秀才的秀字,屁股略弯弯掉转就是。”

    ——(明)浮白斋主人撰《雅谑》



    ⊙韩信主考

    宋壬戌科,秦桧之子熹,侄昌时、昌龄,一榜登第。时人愤恨,追问今岁知贡举为
    谁。一士答曰:“是韩信。”人争辩其非。士笑曰:“若非韩信主考,如何乃取三
    秦?”

    ——(明)浮白斋主人撰《雅谑》



    ⊙产 喻
    一士屡科不利,其妻素患难产,谓夫曰:“中这一节,与生产一般艰难。”士曰:
    “你是有在肚里,我却无在肚里。”

    ——(明)浮白主人辑《笑林》



    ⊙名读书

    车胤囊荧读书,孙康映雪读书。一日,康往拜胤,不遇,问何往,门者曰:“出外
    捉萤火虫去了。”已而胤答拜康,见康闲立庭中,问:“何不读书?”康曰:“我
    看今日这天不像个下雪的。”

    ——(明)浮白主人辑《笑林》



    ⊙豆 腐

    一人留客饭,只豆腐一味,自言:“豆腐是我性命,觉他味不及也。”异日至客家
    ,客记其食性所好,乃以鱼肉中各和豆腐。其人只择鱼肉大啖,客问曰:“汝曰‘
    豆腐是性命’,今日如何不吃?”答曰:“见了鱼肉,性命都不要了。”

    ——(明)浮白主人辑《笑林》



    ⊙卖 糕

    有叫卖糕者,声甚哑,人问其故,曰:“我饿耳。”又问:“既饿,何不食糕?”
    曰:“是馊的。”(两曰皆低声而说)

    ——(明)浮白主人辑《笑林》



    ⊙厨 师

    有厨子在家切肉,匿一快于怀中。妻见之,骂曰:“这是自家的肉,为何如此?”
    答曰:“啊,我忘了。”

    ——(明)冯梦龙辑《笑府》



    ⊙新官赴任

    新官赴任,问吏胥曰:“做官事体当如何?”吏曰:“一年要清,二年半清,三年
    便混。”官叹曰:“教我如何熬得到三年!”

    ——(明)冯梦龙辑《广笑府卷二》



    ⊙知母贝母

    人有初开药肆者,一日他出,令其子守铺。遇客买牛膝并鸡爪黄莲,子愚不识药,
    遍索笥中无所有,乃割己耕牛一足,斫二鸡脚售之。父归问卖何药,询知前事,大
    笑发叹曰:“客若要知母贝母时,岂不连汝母亲也抬去了!”

    ——(明)冯梦龙辑《广笑府卷三》



    ⊙较 岁

    一人新育女,有以二岁儿来作媒者,其人怒曰:“我女一岁,汝儿二岁;若吾女十
    岁,汝儿二十岁矣。安得许此老婿?”妻闻之曰:“汝误矣,吾女今年一岁,明年
    便与彼儿同庚,如何不许?”

    ——(明)冯梦龙辑《广笑府卷八》



    ⊙仙女下嫁

    董永行孝,玉帝命一仙女嫁之,众仙送行,皆嘱咐曰“此去下方,若再有行孝者,
    千万捎个信来。”

    ——(明)冯梦龙辑《广笑府卷十三》



    ⊙僧 眼

    僧与人弈,因夺角,不能成眼,甚躁,头痒,乃手摸其顶而沉吟曰:“这里有得一
    个眼便好。”

    ——(明)醉月子辑《精选雅笑》



    ⊙好 酒

    父子扛酒一坛,因路滑打碎,其父大怒。其子伏地大饮,抬头向父曰:“难道你还
    要等菜吗?”

    ——(清)陈皋谟辑《笑倒》



    ⊙七月儿

    有怀孕七月即产一婴儿者,其夫恐养不大,遇人即问。一日,与友谈及此事,友曰
    :“这个无妨,我家祖亦是七个月出世的。”其人错愕问曰:“若是这等说,令祖
    后来毕竟养得大否?”

    ——(清)游戏主人辑《笑林广记卷五》



    『晒书』

    郝隆七月七日出、日中仰卧。人问其故,答曰∶“我晒书。”东坡谓晨饮为“浇书”。
    〖编者按〗美国人必皆饱学之士,夏日海滩为证也。


    □选自〔明〕冯梦龙《古今笑》



    『雪诗』

    唐人有张打油,作《雪》诗云∶“江上一笼统,井上黑窟窿。黄狗身上白,白狗身
    上肿。”

    陆诗伯《雪》诗云∶“大雪洋洋下,柴米都长价。板凳当柴烧,吓得床儿怕。”又
    云∶“玉皇大帝卖私盐,一个苏州拖面煎。”

    □选自〔明〕冯梦龙《古今笑》



    『竹诗』

    王祈有竹诗两句,最为得意,为东坡诵之,曰∶“叶垂千口剑,干耸万条枪。”苏
    笑曰∶“好则好矣,只是十条竹竿共一片叶也。”

    □选自〔明〕冯梦龙《古今笑》



    『鸣鹅』

    会稽有姥,养一鹅,善鸣。右军〔王羲之〕求市不得,遂携亲友就观。姥闻羲之至
    ,烹鹅以待。右军叹惜弥日。

    □选自〔明〕冯梦龙《古今笑》



    『刘伶』

    刘伶恒纵酒放达。或脱衣裸形在屋中,人见讥之。伶曰∶“我以天地为栋宇,屋室
    为裤衣。诸君何为入我裤中?”

    □选自〔明〕冯梦龙《古今笑》(河北人民出版社·一九八五年)



    『吝啬』

    沈峻欲赠张温。入内检视良久,出语温曰∶“欲择一端布送卿,而无粗者。”竟不
    送。

    □ 选自〔明〕冯梦龙《古今笑》



    『偷诗』

    杨衡初隐庐山,有盗其文而登第者。衡后亦登第,见其人,问曰∶“‘一一鹤声飞
    上天’在否?”答曰∶“此句知兄最惜,不敢偷。”衡曰∶“犹可恕也!”

    □ 选自〔明〕冯梦龙《古今笑》



    『放生』

    北使李谐至梁。武帝与之游历,偶至放生处。帝曰∶“彼国亦放生否?”谐曰∶“
    不取,亦不放。”帝惭之。

    □ 选自〔明〕冯梦龙《古今笑》



    『伊籍』

    先主〔刘备〕以伊籍使吴。孙权闻其才辩,欲逆折以辞。籍适入拜,权曰∶“劳事
    无道之君乎?”对曰∶“一拜一起,未足为劳。”

    □ 选自〔明〕冯梦龙《古今笑》



    『东方朔』

    武帝时,有献不死之酒者,东方朔窃饮之。帝怒,欲杀朔。朔曰∶“臣所饮,不死
    之酒也。杀臣,臣亦不死;臣死,酒亦不验。”

    □ 选自〔明〕冯梦龙《古今笑》



    『苏轼《洗儿诗》』

    东坡频年谪居,尝作 《洗儿诗》,曰∶

    人皆养子望聪明,我被聪明误一生。
    惟愿孩儿愚且鲁,无灾无难到公卿。

    □ 选自〔明〕冯梦龙《古今笑》(河北人民出版社·一九八五)



    不洗脚

    南北朝时梁朝将领阴子春,常常几年不洗脚。
    他还满有道理:“洗辄失财败事。”他的夫
    人憎恶极了。有一回实在忍不住,“劝令一
    洗”。偏偏不久他在梁州之役中吃了败仗,
    谓“洗脚所致。”大恨妇,遂终生不洗。

    章迪摘自[读者文摘94.4]



    和尚煮虾

    有个和尚偷偷地买来虾子煮了吃。他看见虾
    在锅里乱跳,于是连忙双手合十,低声对虾
    说:“阿弥陀佛,忍耐些忍耐些,一会儿焙
    熟了,就不痛了。”

    章迪摘自[读者文摘94.4]



    刘大请客

    刘大不善说话,常得罪人。他五十岁生日那天,特地邀请了张三、李四、王五和赵
    六聚会。

    快开饭了,赵六还没到。刘大懊恼地说:『该来的不来。』张三听了,心想:我可

    是不该来的,于是就走了。

    刘大一看张三走了,着急的说:『哎,不该走的又走了。』李四听了这话,很不是
    滋味,心想:看来我是该走的。于是,也立即走了。

    刘大见李四也走了,摇了摇头对王五说:『我又不是讲他。』王五想:你不是讲他
    ,那一定是讲我了。于是也起身走了。

    刘大呆呆地望着一桌酒菜,心里纳闷:『我说什么了,怎么都走了?』



    陛下就是我佛

    唐朝皇帝姓李,听说道教始祖老子也姓李,便想把道教放在佛教之上。

    有个叫法静的和尚,去见皇帝说:『从古到今佛教唯大,而且佛法无边,我佛如来
    灵验。今陛下以一姓之私抬高道教,恐怕天下不服!』

    皇帝勃然大怒,将法静定为死罪,押监入狱,并说:『你开口佛法无边,闭口我佛
    如来,我给你七天时间去念佛,临刑时看佛救不救你,灵验不灵验!』

    法静入狱第一天,皇帝派人去看他是否在念如来。回报的人说法静闭目静坐,口中
    念念有声,就是听不大清。以后接连去看,天天如是。

    到了第七天要拉出去问斩。皇帝问法静:『你的佛念的怎么样了?』法静笑道:『
    七天来我没念佛,天天在念皇帝陛下。』
    皇帝感到奇怪,问他为什么。法静道:『陛下就是我佛如来,我佛如来就是陛下!


    皇帝听了,顿时异常高兴:『嗯,如来就是朕,朕就是如来。好,赦你无罪!』


    摘自《中国古代笑话—笑画连篇》,中国连环画出版社。
    张双翼



    喜欢老虎

    从前,有个老和尚一心想培养一个虔诚的小和尚。便抱了一个婴儿抚养,从小教他
    吃斋念佛,不让他接触尘世,以免受到世俗的影响。

    小和尚这年十六岁了,能背诵各种佛经,老和尚自以为培养了一个虔诚的弟子,十
    分高兴。

    这一天,镇上有户人家做佛事,老和尚想锻炼一下小和尚,便带着他下山到镇上去


    小和尚从没下过山,从没见过这么多人,更没见过这么热闹的市场,简直有点眼花
    缭乱。忽然小和尚停住了脚步,两眼直盯盯的看着一位姑娘。

    老和尚忙念到:『阿弥陀佛!』拉了一下小和尚。小和尚指着姑娘问:『这是什么
    ?』老和尚骗他说:『是老虎。』

    回山的路上,他们看到了一只真老虎,小和尚又问:『这是什么?』老和尚说:『
    是姑娘。』

    回到庙里,老和尚为了试试小和尚是否真的脱了凡心,就问小和尚:『你今天下了
    一次山,告诉我,你最喜欢什么?』小和尚说:『喜欢「老虎」。』

    摘自《中国古代笑话—笑画连篇》,中国连环画出版社。
    张双翼



    屁文章

    一秀才数尽,去见阎王,阎王偶放一屁,秀才即献屁颂一篇曰:“高耸金臀,弘宣
    宝气,依稀乎丝竹之音,仿弗乎麝兰之味,臣立下风,不胜芯馨之至。”阎王大喜
    ,增寿十年,即时放回阳间。十年限满,再见阎王。此秀才志气舒展,望森罗殿摇
    摆而上,阎王问是何人,小鬼回曰:“就是那个做屁文章的秀才。”



    父母何物

      某公任一县童子试卷监阅。卷题取四书上一句“父母在”。内有一卷,破题为
    :“夫父母,何物也?”公大笑,批文其上:“父,阳物也;母,阴物也;阴阳不
    和生你这怪物也。”


    尚书与恃郎

    有尚书与恃郎共主一部,二人素不睦。某日,尚书见一匹狗窜入大堂,乃佯问恃郎
    :“是狼,是狗?”恃郎洞悉尚书用心,乃徐徐答道:“夫狼与狗之区别在于尾:
    上竖为狗,下垂为狼。”


    死错了人
    一个人的亲家母死了,他托一秀才写一篇祭文。秀才从一本 文集中抄了一篇给他,
    他一看,却是一篇祭亲家翁的文章,就对 秀才说:“错了。”秀才说:“怎么会错呢,
    这篇文章是从书上 抄下来的,一字不错,是不是他家死错了人?”


    玫瑰酥糖

    一个人在苏州买了一包酥糖,拆开一数只有五块。他心里想怎么少 了四块,不知道什
    么原因。向店家一问,才知道自己把“玫瑰酥糖”读 作了“玖块酥糖”, http://www.csnthunder.com/ Thunder Serge Ibaka road Jersey。

     

    翻来倒去

    书生的母亲死了。有人送来一个奠幛,还有四张纸,上边写着四个大字:"德 配孟母",
    让他自己缝上。书生翻来倒去看不懂,最后排成了"母配孟德",缝在 奠幛上。


    有一个参加科举考试,发榜之日,他叫弟弟去看看
    中了没有;弟弟到那儿一看,榜上有哥哥的名字.便一
    直站在榜下,两眼死死盯着哥哥的大名.到天黑也不离开.
    哥哥觉得奇怪,便来找他.只见他仍然仰着脸儿盯着
    那个名字.哥哥问他为什么要这样,他说:"天下同名同姓
    的人多着呢!要是我一走,别人把你的名字顶了去,那怎么 办?"


    一老儒生,晚年得子,给孩子取名?年纪".第二年
    又得一子,老儒生认为这孩子很像读 ,就取名为"学问".
    以后,又再得一子,他自己也觉得好笑;年纪这么大了,还
    连得三子,真是笑话!于是就用"笑话"来给三儿命名.
    三个儿子长大后,都不怎么长进.有一次他们三个上
    山砍柴,回家时,老儒生问老婆 ,哪一个砍得最,老婆答道:"
    年纪有了一把,学问一些也无,笑话倒有一担!"

  • Grand Valley State, where he won two national titles, to Central Michigan, where he won a MAC championship, to the University of Cincinnati, where he led a team to a 12-0 record, to, now, Notre Dame, where in his third season he took the once moribund Irish to the national title game, there's an obvious constant.

    Brian Kelly has always been successful. And Brian Kelly has always been a climber.

    That the NFL was on the horizon should surprise no one. Until word broke Wednesday with ESPN saying Kelly has met with the Philadelphia Eagles and there is mutual interest, the horizon still seemed off in the distance.
    Brian Kelly has reportedly interviewed with the Philadelphia Eagles. (USA Today)
    The interview, according to the NFL Network, took place Tuesday, just hours after the Irish's 42-14 BCS title game loss to Alabama, a disappointment that only slightly diminished a dream season. Kelly is now said to be out of the country for a brief vacation, an entirely separate bizarre turn. Notre Dame declined to comment on the reports.

    For Philadelphia, there is risk all over this one. Kelly doesn't have a single day of NFL experience, either as a player or a coach. At the same time there's a simple and powerful angle to sell the fan base. Kelly wins. Everywhere. And he did it at programs that either hadn't ever achieved such success, or in the case of Notre Dame, not seen it for years.



    A Philly fan base desperate for success after the slide under Andy Reid might buy into that. And while he's known as an offensive coach, a developer of talent and a fine motivator, this past season he won with defense in South Bend, a desperate need for the Eagles. Moreover, he's known as a terrific in-game manager, with solid adjustments. There's no need to bring up Reid's reputation on that.

    Still, this would be a leap of faith. Kelly played ball at little Assumption College in Massachusetts, and after a brief stint in political organization he worked his way up slowly through the college coaching ranks. His time at even the highest level of college football is limited – three years at ND and three years at UC, if you consider the Big East that.

    [Related: Manti Te'o's draft stock in doubt after tough BCS title game ]

    At 51 he would arrive as a newcomer to the league, yet lacking the reputation as an offensive savant like Oregon's Chip Kelly, whom the Eagles, among others, also pursued.

    This would be, for Philly, a gamble.

    It would be, for Brian Kelly, a stunning departure also.


    Again, only the most devout Irish fan could believe that Kelly was going to stay forever in South Bend. In truth, the national demands of the job, from recruiting to alumni responsibilities, tend to wear everyone out. Lou Holtz, the last ND coach who wasn't asked to leave, said he was so exhausted after 11 seasons he thought he was too tired to coach anymore. After a brief rest, he realized he was just too tired to coach Notre Dame, so he took the South Carolina job.

    [Related: Robert Griffin III, other NFL players likely fearful of 'Jay Cutler' treatment]

    Kelly is only in his third season, one in which the Irish arrived in national contention ahead of schedule. This would seem to be the time for Kelly to enjoy the fruits of his labor, to ride the momentum and see exactly what this program can do. He's always been pushing for the next job. Now here was a job he could dig in and see what was possible.

    No, the blowout loss to 'Bama wasn't fun, but no one thought the Irish would get to the title game this year, and no one thinks it's their last crack. The Irish, as long as Kelly was around, were back.


    The Eagles are searching for a replacement for head coach Andy Reid. (AP) He returns a star-studded team, including most of the vaunted defensive line, freshman quarterback Everett Golson and plenty of skill players. Manti Te'o has graduated, but there is plenty of young talent there.

    And more is coming. Kelly is sitting on the current No. 1 ranked recruiting class according to rivals.com, a group flush with the kind of athletes from across the country that Notre Dame knows it needs if it wants to come back and beat an Alabama some day.

    "Winning, " Kelly said earlier this year, "sure does help. "

    Yet just days after brushing aside, but not burying, interest in the NFL, he's reportedly looking at the opportunity to take on another enormous challenge, at the game's highest level.

    For Notre Dame this is a gut-punch. The Irish have suffered through nearly two decades of poor to average coaches while a perception was built that the school could never again be nationally relevant due to strict academics, location, a lack of conference affiliation and a host of other items.

    Then when Notre Dame finally gets a capable coach who quickly proves none of that is true, who restores a measure of glory and has the program primed for even more, it might lose him?

    That quickly? And to the Eagles?

    You could argue this is a classic power play to use NFL interest – real or rumored – into a lucrative contract extension. Notre Dame is the king of those sucker jobs, having once handed Charlie Weis a ten-year deal just because gossip spread that an NFL team might want to talk to him at the end of the season.


    [Yahoo! Sports Radio: Texans' Owen Daniels on rematch in New England]

    The thing is that Kelly was already going to get paid. He was already in the perfect position. He restored Notre Dame, bringing joy to one of the wealthiest alumni bases in major college football. He'd earned his raise, http://www.esmlbshop.com/ Miguel Cabrera Jersey.

    No, the interest in the NFL is real. It's always been real, the ultimate spot for an upwardly mobile coach.

    Brian Kelly has always won. Brian Kelly has always climbed.

    In a nervous South Bend, with no obvious big-name, proven successor (defensive coordinator Bob Diaco? )#) standing by, everyone waits to see if the jump comes sooner, far sooner, than they ever imagined.

  •   导语:近日,梁朝伟的香肠嘴造型被印度某香肠商品利用做广告,被代言了一回。无独有偶,潘玮柏不仅名字谐音被用作壮阳药"盼痿&middot;勃"的广告,其读书旧照更赫然出现在该壮阳药广告上。明星被代言的事件频频发生,实在让明星们苦不堪言。




      明星因为代言产品不当而惨遭讨伐的事情固然不断, http://www.0755jdcy.com 眼镜批发市场,明星肖像名字被盗用陷入"被代言"事件的也不少。近日梁朝伟与潘玮柏便先后传出造型肖像以及名字谐音惨被利用做广告的消息。这其实并不是个例,此前如同叶一茜变身"按摩女郎"、宫崎骏当上"妇科专家"这一类让人哭笑不得的事情其实早有发生。




      和谢霆锋的名字谐音"泻停封"被用作止泻药名称一样,潘玮柏的名字谐音也惨被利用成广告。最近一张香港壮阳药的广告照在微博上热传,该壮阳药不仅名字取自潘玮柏名字的谐音&ldquo, http://www.0755jdcy.com 深圳眼镜批发;盼痿&middot;勃",更在广告照上附上潘玮柏的读书旧照,让人喷笑不已。网友们纷纷替潘玮柏哀叹称情何以堪。

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